The first I saw was a head of hair, long like golden silk,
then two long legs that went on for miles, skin like coffee milk,
that skirt you wore was the shortest thing, it suited you right well,
and your blouse was stuck to your two best points, you really did look swell!
On turning round, there was no disgrace, two eyes of china blue,
a pouting mouth in a pretty face, what was a man to do?
I wiped away the drool and then, I asked you for a date;
You said 'That's fine, I can find the time, if we're not back too late.'
We wined and dined, you stole my heart, I took you to be mine,
but things weren't fine when we were apart, the world then lost its shine.
So I married you - my favourite day - our wedding was fantastic,
but my new found joy wasn't solid gold, it turned out to be plastic.
We went to bed full of love's young dream, champagne and chocs and passion,
but it wasn't long 'til I lost my steam, in quite dramatic fashion.
You removed your wig from a head so bald, an egg would look quite hairy,
then your teeth you did remove and your underarms were furry.
One glass eye and a wooden leg, reclined upon the table,
and I've seen less fluff on a Persian rug, than I dug out from your navel!
Without your uplift Wonderbra, your most important assets
were sliding south alarmingly, like the ears of certain Bassetts.
Thinking quickly on my feet and feeling quite bereft,
I threw you on to the counterpaine before there was nothing left,
We kissed, caressed and did the deed, a single worry lurked,
but passion carried us on a wave, thank goodness something worked!
The moral of our story's this, beauty's just skin deep,
and love will spring unbidden from an, often, sluggish sleep.
In the dark all mules are mares and Persian cats are grey,
and the man who loves where others won't, will live to love another day!